Monday, April 8, 2013

Divorce and Blended Families

Learning about divorce and step families this week has made me somewhat sad yet at the same time I am so grateful for it because now I have a better understanding for those who struggle with either or both. I also find it interesting that I have recently found out about a friend of mine who is dealing with one of these situations and the fact that the topic/subject of the week was exactly what I had been more curious about because I wanted to understand his situation more in depth rather than not really having a clue. I still do not fully understand what he is going through because I have definitely not been through what he has been through, but now I have even more sympathy and empathy for him and now I understand him better and myself a little better. I love how situations like these just "seem" to work out. :)

Now here is a chart that Brother Williams made in class and I found it very helpful and something that is worth knowing about why divorce may happen and what will be the processes of:
Divorce-Processes & Predictors

Processes
  • Emotional
  •  Legal
  • Economic
  • Co-parental
  • Community (dividing up family/picking sides)
  • Psychic

Predictors
  • One Option
  • Haven't seen healthy marriage
  • Follow destructive pattern
  • Re-create patterns
  • Co-habitation
  • Low education
  • Younger at marriage
  • Pregnant
Also, something good to know is that..... marriage isn't easy! Don't go in assuming every thing will be perfect because you love each other. No, it WILL be hard. But don't let that discourage you from marrying. If you work hard you two will become even closer everyday and you'll never regret getting married because you will never want to let such a special and close relationship go. If problems arise communicate. Be willing to lean on your spouse. do not pull away from each other because that is when you stop trusting each other and have misunderstandings  which is the biggest thing that causes anger and contention. TALK TO EACH OTHER.

In conclusion: I am EXTREMELY grateful for taking this class! Ah, I've learned so much about family, and psychiatry and just how the human brain works and what we need and how we need it. Brother Williams has got to be the best teacher. If you have read this and it has interested you at all then take it from Brother Michael Williams because he truly knows what he is talking about because he's experienced so much in his life and he truly loves each person he works with in any way. I surely am going to miss this class.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Parenting

I've absolutely loved talking about parenting this last week because that is one of the things I am most worried about in the future because I want to raise happy, wise, and righteous children without being a cruel mother but not being to slack as well. And I also want to keep them safe but I do not want to be too protective of them that they just cannot grow and develop and expand. Here's a list of some good things to know:
 
 
Purposes of Parenting
  • Transmit Values and traditions
  • Teach about God
  • Practice, develop godly qualities-yourself
  • Become refined-yourself
  • Provide protection
  • Learning
  • Contribute....
  • It's a sacred duty
And as you see most of the things on that list have to do with yourself. The point of parenting is to bring intelligent and genuinly good people into the world, yes, but I find that you yourserlf as a parent get most of the experience and learning more than your children do. Ahh I can't wait to be a parent! But still scared, haha.... yeah...
 
My favorite thing we talked about on this subject though was the diciplining... the fact that we should never punish them but teach them through Natural Consequences, Polite Requests, Firm Requests, "I" Message, and Logical Consequences. It's not a punishment it's a learning experience. But always make sure the consequences are safe and always try to Encourage them to do better rather than insulting and discouraging them. But don't lie to them and give them hollow compliments. Say: "Thank you for doing that for me. Can you get that for me as well because you are being so helpful?" instead of: "Oh, you're so perfect at that, you're so pretty I don't know how you ever became so pretty." 

Importance of Fathers

I have loved discussing about Fathers and the importance of having them and not just having one but having an involved and caring one to his children. I find Father essential to the family and I'll put some of my essay I wrote for class on here so you can get what my main thoughts are on the subject:


1.      "Even from birth, children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure.” I find this very important because I think every individual needs to have emotional security in their life. If they do not then they could end up doing all sorts of regretful things like doing drugs, having friends in the “wrong crowd”… or they may just be depressed a lot and shy and not want to communicate or socialize with very many people. I’m not saying that if they do not have a Father that they will for sure be that way, but just a Mother or an uninvolved Father will not help that security. I believe that good Fathers make one feel quite secure. I know my Father does that for me.

2.      “The way fathers play with their children also has an important impact on a child's emotional and social development…. children learn how to regulate their feelings and behavior.” I love this part because children really do need that play-time with their Fathers. They do not get it from their Mothers as much so when the Father plays and has that one-on-one interaction it helps them to relax and just be themselves and understand their feelings better. When I was a child my favorite time was play-time with Daddy because it made me feel like I could just laugh and be without worrying about getting in trouble.

3.      “Children with involved, caring fathers have better educational outcomes.” I find this rather important. Very important actually! Education will help one with how well they do in school, which will result with what kind of career they want and are able to have. It will help develop their interests by what they are good at and it also helps them socially. I think the kind of education you have effects what kind of people you interact with which will create who you are and what your motivations are. Education is a big deal when it comes to someone’s life and if a good, caring involved Father helps then I think we very much need good fathers.

4.      “…having a positive male role model helps an adolescent boy develop positive gender-role characteristics.” A boy needs to know who he is and how he should act and be like because that is how God intended him to be. He needs to know that he is the breadwinner of the home when he becomes an adult, how to treat women, how to be protective and loving to women and children… I think every boy needs to know that and I think that they need a Father to show them how to be a boy because a mom cannot do it… she’s not a boy.

5.      “Adolescent girls are more likely to form positive opinions of men and are better able to relate to them when fathered by an involved father.” Ah! This is extremely important! Girls need to have a positive point of view on men because too often are girls skeptical about men and assume the worst in them. I think if more Fathers would take time to be involved in their daughter’s life that there would be more girls that understood men and how they act and wouldn’t find it so foreign and undesirable. Men are wonderful I know that there needs to be more father involvement in their daughter’s life because it will help our society immensely.
Those are my main five points on what I find very important about Fathers and and Fatherhood. We NEED to have a Father and a Mother and a healthy family unit. I know it's really hard to do but we need to try our hardest to create the healthiest faily as possible.